Post by The End on Sept 29, 2007 13:30:13 GMT
THE STORY OF[glow=gray,2,300]
THE END[/glow]
THE END[/glow]
Some of you may have wondered, amongst other things, why "The End"? Well, if you have a few moments to spare, I shall explain using a long-forgotten method of one-fingered typing!
THE END was and is my band - Alan, Andy, Martin, Baz, Sometimes Jim and Occasional Paul.
They were founded in a much simpler time - many moon and stars ago in an age where beer was often as cheap as the women they enjoyed. And although they have undergone many changes over the years, none of which to do with their sexual orientation, they continue blindly on with an impeccable ear between them and fondness for a good tune. And on.
"SO WHAT ARE THEY DOING NOWADAYS?” I hear you whine with that really annoying little voice of yours! Well, today, ANDY and ALAN, are still the band's two-man (obviously!) songwriting team - they write the songs that make the hole worm sink - they continue to write, record, perform and argue nearly every day and are, for all intense and purposes, currently working on a new CD and not married to each other. They have a massive backlog of new songs waiting to be recorded, when Alan can be bothered to learn now to use his new 16 track recorder!
"But what of MARTIN?" Well, he moved to Wales and grew infeasibly large sideburns which are a fire risk. I have been reliably informed that Martin's "burns" are one of only two man-made objects that are actually visible from space - the other being the Great Berlin Wall of China of course. When relaxing, Martin likes nothing more than to pop open a nice bottle of red wine, light a few candles, run himself a nice hot bath and then slip into a Megadeth gig.
BAZ still performs as a solo artist in his own riot and even finds time to write songs in his very spare time. He can be seen at ALL the finest Karaoke bars in Essex, still belting out "I'm A Believer" in very fine style... even after a few beers - in fact, especially after a few beers! He has been told on more than one occasion that he is much better than all the The Monkees put together, who, to this day, have never performed in Romford.
OCCASIONAL PAUL, a band member for one gig and my little brother who is not taller than me, has installed the Reason music package on his Mac and now spends every waking moment nodding his head in time with an electronic pulse. He has recently taken up alcoholism and a wife.
The whereabouts of SOMETIMES JIM is a complete and utter mystery... at least it was, until recently! He was allegedly spotted performing mime at a local pub-like venue until his microphone broke. Although that is probably just another one of those unsubstantiated rumours... like the time he was allegedly spotted working in an ice-cream van - unlike Elvis, who still works at the local chip shop, according to Kirsty Maccoll.
All of which brings us pretty much bang up to date! Sadly, Martin's garage, where they used to rehearse and annoy the neighbours, was recently torn down by developers, but at least there is now a statue of The End fully erected in its place! Many fans still gather there today to lay flowers and each other and daub offensive graffiti on nearby walls and old ladies. The same ice-cream van stops nearby on hot summer days offering some much-needed refreshment to the assembled fans... dunno what Jim works as for the rest of the year though!
Of course, their music goes on and on to this very day, which is Wednesday - and proudly, with their back catalogue of errors and over 100 selfishly composed songs (and still groaning!), THE END look likely to continue right into the NEXT century - defying medical science fiction and that!
Hope you've got plenty of time to spare and, most importantly of all, a working set of ears.
THE END
MUSIC: www.geocities.com/the_end_gb/music.htm
MYSPACE: www.myspace.com/uktheend
WEBSITE: www.the-end-uk.com